Friday, February 26, 2010

Love me as I am..




I heard a shocking news 2 days ago. But I asked myself, why am I still shocked if I had already know of the decision made.



16 Dec 2006 : It's about a boy I used to work with in a Children's Home. He came in 1 week after I joined the NGO. He was very fragile then. He was joined by his elder sister and 2 elder brothers who were sent to the Boy's Home. I remembered his face clearly the day he was being admitted. He carried a small bag containing a couple of shirts, shorts and other basic essentials. But he was missing a smile, his face was gloomy and full of hatred and anger. He must be wondering "why he had been sent here", "why his mom could so coldly decided to leave them for good", "why his dad can't do anything to undo the whole situation", "why he's being separated?" and other WH's questions.

It was very difficult for the whole family to cope. The elder brothers, in their teenage years went into rebellion and fights. The elder sister suppress her feelings by being smiley all the time, make friends and talk as if nothing traumatic has happened in her life. And this young boy, at the tender age of 5 years plus, he has to witnessed a real nightmare, a trauma, a tragedy that struck his beloved family.

I dare not ask them to open their hearts and share with me their hard times. After all, who am I?I'm just a staff, an adult who is now responsible for his welfare.

I waited patiently for the time to come. Then, things explode. After few days of their admission, he loses his cool and throws his anger towards himself. He bangs his head on the metal door while crying out loud; it shattered my heart to pieces.

Kids were worried and were hysterically shouting at him to stop. Staff tried to pulled him away from the door, his elder sister witness the outbreak cry along. I went and have a look, initially unsure what to do and how to react.

All I was thinking "Give them a hug", "Tell them that everything will be fine". But I cannot promise that, as we all can see, Things are not fine and will never be the same again.

I pat their shoulders and head as softly as I can, trying to avoid hurting myself and his head. After quite sometime, it stopped. What a relieved!

After a cup of tea and hiccups from their friends, I brought them to my office. I was about to ask them what had happened and was deciding if they will go hysterical again.

Pulling out all my courage, I asked if they were OK. The little boy, still wet with tears and a head red and bruised from all the bangings ignored my question. Meanwhile, the sister stared at me like I am an alien intruding their comfort zone.

I heard about their past and their trauma, but I need to hear it from themselves as they are the most accurate story-teller.

Very slowly, I was being filled with the details of their nightmare.
***It was their usual afternoon, after lunch, their mother hurried them for a nap in a small bedroom. The elder brothers slept in a corner, sister near her mom and the youngest under his mom's arm. He was drinking milk from his milk bottle.

Everyone fell asleep and was woken up by a very hot feeling, smoke and someone shouting. Apparently, their mom had asked the eldest brother to leave the house and help run some errands while his siblings were asleep.

Now, the eldest brother was shouting loudly to wake his siblings up before the fire burnt them to death. They struggled, cried and shouted for life. The little boy told me that he nearly burnt his feet when the burning wood fell down from top. They managed to crawl out from a small window.

The siblings gathered and tried to find their mother. Helpful neighbours came around with piles of water trying to stop the fire. The eldest brother went around the house and found their mom at last! But she was dead!Hanged on a fruit tree behind their house. Someone notified their father and later on, he showed up.

Before they ended their story, he told me, "mommy plans to bring us along...." I was struggling with my own emotions and tears. All I can do is to hug them briefly and we fell into silence.

I realized all over again, this is their coping mechanism. They are in denial stage. They need help. We will need to do lots of work to see some changes in them.

To cut the story short, over 2years and 6months, I feel bonded with them (and of course all the other children I worked with). It was no miracle! I lost my own cool countless times when I feel what I did was useless and pointless. But my supervisor and colleagues were very supportive.

I enrolled him to Primary 1 (he missed his kindie year), prepared and chosed his school bag together, along with pencil case, pencils and other essentials. I walked into the school for registration with them, people staring at me, wondering if I am another pitiful young single mother with kids!!

Half of my job is to be like a mother or father to the kids. I smile when they are happy, I cry silently when I know they are sad or being bullied. They shared with me the excitements in school and the teachers they like, dislike, and scared of! I witnessed their annual sports day, AGM meetings, report cards meetings and meetings with the discipline teachers.

It was stressful but I enjoyed it, at least most of the time!! =)


Back to the topic, he was now in Primary 4 and soon he will be sent to the Boys' Home (once he reached Primary 5).

From someone who hated words and homework, he now loves his Sciences and went for his twice-weekly English tuition. From someone who failed in most tests, he now could score a pass and read a simple storybook for you to enjoy.

I am so proud of him and I love him dearly. He did not turn into a saint, he is still a kid, with occasional tantrums and fall into fights at school.

The news I heard 2 days ago was that he will be transferred to the Boys' Home by end of this semester or to be exact by March!! I was so surprised and I felt dizzy for a moment while the news crawl into my head!

Is he ready?? I asked repeatedly. Boys' Home is for "big" boys, they involved in fights and has a lack of interest in their studies.

I felt so selfish. He settled in so well, he was having fun learning but now, if he was transfered there, what he will become? Will he become another dropout??

It doomed me. I think about my feelings and my thoughts all over before I sleep that night.

I felt like a worried mom sending their kid to the school for the first day, will he enjoy it?will he cry?will he ask for the toilet?will he make friends?....

I felt like I lose control over the future. But who am I to determined the future? I am only a human and only God knows of one's future.

I felt so helpless. I know I am scared to hear that he has turn into a bad boy.. but then again, I told myself, why I am so certain?I should be more supportive and trust his potential.
People grow up and people make their own decisions. He will grow up too and I should let him be.

So, before I fell asleep, I hoped that I will be remembered by him as a friend who once shared and cared about his life.

I will continue to care and sneak an eye and an ear of him till he grows out of my sight!!



(*_^) wink



Sunday, February 21, 2010

My Trip to Singapore (Day 3 Pt.II)

After our drinks at the Cookie Musuem, we head out to the Esplanade lookout which is situated along Singapore river. The night view are full of lights and is peaceful and romantic. We noticed a lot of couples hang out here meanwhile we, a group of 5, chat and talk till past midnight. The wind is soothingly cool. Nearby locates some bars which serves alcohol and some light snacks too.


Our trip to Singapore was filled with happy and sweet memories which will be place in our heart forever. As the sayings go "Leave behind nothing but Footprints" and "Take away nothing but Memories"!!


Long lived my friends!! ^_^ Thank You for the beautiful memories you have given us!!

My Trip to Singapore (Day 3)

Day 3, we walked around Jurong Point new extended shopping mall. We feed ourselves with superb Japanese ramen inside the mall and later on head to Sommerset for an afternoon walk. We had our dinner at Xin Wang Taiwan Cafe (situated in City Hall).



Then, we walked to Esplanade which houses a classically beautiful Cookie Museum. This is more of a tea house with a touch of Victorian style and its comfy settings. The staff are very friendly and speaks very good English. The place are very clean and quiet too. Ambience is good for a small gathering and is most suitable for couples too. You are encouraged to pre book your table as they only have 6 tables inside. It serves a range of imported tea and coffee with liquor. It serves delicious cakes topped with sweet liqour syrup.


The most enjoyable experience here is that you get to taste different types of freshly baked handmade cookies. While you enjoy your tea, the staff will come over with a wheelie filled with containers of freshly baked cookies for free-tasting. Cookie Musuem make cookies with a delightful flowerly taste (e.g.: rose), berries and fruits. Biscuits with Singapore local flavor are also available. These will surely give you a new meaning to cookie. The local flavor includes chicken rice, laksa, "heh bi hiam" (spicy prawn sambal flavour) and nasi lemak.
I bought a tin of English Rose & Pineapple Cookies for SGD45 (RM100). It is a bit expensive but every bite of the cookie is worth it!A tin of cookies contain about 20-23 cookies. For drinks, expect to spend about SGD20/pax for a pot of tea.
These original handmade cookies are lovingly baked with the finest ingredients and has been voted as Singapore's Best Cookies.




To find out more, please follow the link below:
http://www.esplanade.com/eat_drink_shop/dining/the_cookie_museum/index.jsp

My Trip to Singapore (Day 2)


Day 2 of our trip was again filled with shopping and trying out famous food in Singapore. Before I went on, I must thank my best girlfriend & her fiance for their time and effort to bring us around Singapore. Without their plans, we would never get to see and taste a different Singapore.


On day 2, we walk around Orchard and then to Bugis. The place that I remembered vividly after my trip is Arinco King which is situated in ION Orchard, Singapore. This stall can be found in the ION food court.


This is the famous salt caramel roll sold in Arinco King, originated from Tokyo, Japan. It cost us SGD18 (RM50) for a roll which is sliced thickly int0 5pieces. So, is it worth it?? YES!YES!YES!!!


**This is not just normal swissroll!**


Arinco King Salt Caramel Roll is a cottony lightweight swissroll that melts in your mouth! It is filled with a layer of caramel syrup and brittle caramelised bits that rolled up together with heavenly fresh whipped cream, and lastly blanketed with the most awesome sticky sweet-salty caramel syrup. It just feels like ice cream in your mouth!!

~Its Heaven on Earth!!~


A Must try when you visit Singapore next time!! The best dessert to share with your loved ones! =)

My Trip to Singapore (Day 1)

It was a last minute decision that hubby and I went for a 4D 3N trip to Singapore. We had great fun throughout this trip. I would say that this trip is not merely a shopping spree but we visited some famous places and had the pleasure to taste some of the most delicious and well-known food that can be found in Singapore.



Well, for starter we went to a BIG food court in Old Airport Road, Singapore which operates at night. If you had noticed my capital letter in the word "Big" this food court means huge selections of food, drinks and desserts!! There are countless stalls of stir fry kuey teow, BBQ chicken wings, Satay, Western food, fry carrot cake, mutton soup, laksa, porridge, soup mee hoon, BBQ seafood, seafood stall, steamboat, nasi lemak, coconut drink, fresh soy milk, desserts such as ABC, jelly pudding, cincau, herbal drinks, ice-creams on drinks and so much more!!!



I would strongly recommend my friends to go there and have some cheap yet full filling taste of Singapore local food. We are so busy indulging ourselves with the tons of food we had ordered that I forgot to take some snapshots of the food court and its food "before-hand"!! so, please forgive this photo filled with bones and empty plates that we left behind! =)



In total, we ordered 50 Satays (10mutton,10chicken,30pork), 2 plates of special char-kuey-teow, 1 bowl laksa, 1 mutton soup, 5 BBQ chicken wings, beancurd, cincau, BBQ stingray, BBQ clam, soy milk, curry puff n some other snacks which i had forgotten! and we spend less than SGD50 to feed the 5 of us!!that's a True Bargain!